The Tale of the Jumping Teddy Bear Cholla Cactus

Maybe you’ve heard this saying before and if you haven’t, take it to heart – “Everything in the desert is trying to kill you.” Believe it. You’ve probably heard of scorpions, rattlesnakes and gila monsters but are you familiar with the Jumping Teddy Bear Cholla?

Not being much of a botanist to begin with, plus the fact that I was in extreme pain, I can’t positively say that the cholla that “jumped” me was actually of the Teddy Bear variety. But to describe any cholla cactus as a teddy bear is about as far from reality as possible. From a distance they might look soft and fuzzy but up close they are nothing like that at all. In fact you might say that the cholla cactus was born angry at the world and everything in it. 

But on to the next descriptor – can a cactus really jump? Many a desert hiker can relate a sad, painful tale recounting the cholla’s ability to jump but do they in reality? The answer is actually no but before I tell you why people think they jump let me relate my sad, painful tale.

My lovely wife and I were hiking in the Arizona desert and heading up to a viewpoint to catch an amazing sunset. It was a pleasant 80 degrees, I was in hiking shorts, but I knew the temp would drop when the sun set so I brought along a pullover sweatshirt which I tied around my waist using the sleeves.  The trail was well-marked and worn but it was a narrow track passing among giant saguaros and rocks and an occasional cholla cactus.

I was happy, it had been a great hike and a beautiful sunset and the afterglow was still generating stunning views of the desert landscape. In a flash I went from a contented nature high to shooting pain between my thighs! In total shock I instinctively put my hand down to the source of the incredible pain – bad idea – very bad idea. Now I have stickers in my hand, stickers in both my thighs, I’m hopping around like a jackrabbit, swearing like a sailor and my wife is looking at me like I’m a blithering idiot – which I guess I pretty much was at that point.

Was I the victim of a jumping cholla? – nope, just careless. What I was able to piece together from the evidence was that the loose swinging sleeve of my pullover tied around my waist swung wide as I walked and hit the cholla cactus limb, picked up a couple sections of thorns, and on the next step swung the thorn loaded sleeve directly into my crotch.

I’ve now learned that since the cholla cactus doesn’t produce many seeds it reproduces by dropping thorned segments of its limbs on the ground that stick to passing animals (including humans) and get dropped off elsewhere allowing the clone segments to take root. If a strong wind blows or something brushes against the cholla these limb segments quickly detach and hitch a ride. So while the cholla doesn’t actually jump you can see it is designed to hitch a ride on anything that touches it and understand why people calling it a jumping chollo.

To make matters worse, the quills of the cholla have barbed ends and once they go in they do not want to come out. If the cholla segments are just stuck to your clothes or are barely into your skin a comb can remove them easily but if they are deeper into your skin you are looking at some painful tweezing and even that won’t get it all. The suggestion we found on “The Google” was to tweeze first and then to soak gauze in white glue, put it on the wound area, let it dry, and then rip it off – kind of like waxing your unsightly back hair. We improvised and used duct tape and then sterilized the area (and my liver) with alcohol.  Even after your best efforts you are likely to have left behind parts of the cholla in your skin so make sure to keep the area clean and watch for infection.

The desert is a beautiful, magnificent place and in its own way the cholla is a beautiful cacti but always remember …. “Everything in the desert is trying to kill you.”